Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love. (Proverbs 5:19)
One of the things I love about the Bible, and God Himself, is how “un-lukewarm” He is about things. God is extravagant and sometimes downright extreme, but never, EVER lukewarm. So as I read the scripture above, I began to think about God’s prescription for marriage.
The wording above comes from King Solomon, whom we know was blessed with wisdom from God more than any other man on earth. So we can assume that these words come from the mind of God. Take a look at the word “exhilarated.” It’s literal form is “intoxicated.” Therefore, it should read, “be intoxicated always with her love.” How do we become intoxicated? We drink…a lot. We intentionally imbibe.
So when it comes to marriage, we must go to our mates and intentionally become intoxicated with them “always.” We don’t become intoxicated by simply pouring ourselves a glass of wine and sitting it next to us and staring at it. And even if we drink one glass, we will not become intoxicated. No, we must intentionally drink possibly 2, but more likely 3 glasses of wine before we become intoxicated. Therefore, being intoxicated with the love and bodies of our mates is one area where God encourages extravagance–no holding back–and intentional intoxication.
For wives, especially if you’ve been married for a number of years, sex becomes ho-hum. Unfortunately, however, so does the marriage. But deep in the heart of your husband is the lionheart of God who wants extravagance with his mate. He wants to feel the waves of passion rolling over him like the first time. Your husband wants to feel that you feel the same way, too.
So how do you recreate that? Perhaps it requires taking a step back and looking at your husband the way you did when you first met him. What was it that made you go, “Mmm-hmm”? What set him apart? What about his body made you think, “Yeah, baby, I want you”?
While I’m not married, I’ve been observing my boyfriend’s ways: the way he walks, stands, talks, gestures. The way he winks at me. And the first time he showed up at my door in cowboy boots, jeans, a crisp white shirt and a black suit jacket, I nearly swooned and thought, “Mmmm-hmmm!” There is something truly magical about your mate that you saw at the beginning, and it is still there. Remember it and recapture it, because what is truly magical is also elusive…so we must run after it and search for it. Why is gold so precious? Because it is elusive, rare and hard to find. So are those magical qualities within your mate. But they are there; I can guarantee it.
After 25 years in a largely unhappy marriage, and then going through a painful divorce, it took me a couple of years to shed the bitterness, anger and resentment. And God knew that, so he didn’t bring me the wonderful man in my life until I began to finally emerge from my cocoon as a new butterfly. What I’ve found as I’ve begun to test my new wings is how beautiful my spirit is, how fun, and fresh. Those qualities were always there, but over time, as hurt upon hurt crashed upon my heart, I wrapped myself in a protective cocoon. Now, as my boyfriend’s love begins to encourage me to test out my new wings, even I am surprised at the joy that bubbles up from within, and how easy it is to feel 18 again.
Through years of marriage, we may have allowed ourselves to become dulled by daily life, and bored with our mates and our lovemaking. But that’s not what God wants. He wants us to drink deeply of their delights. He wants us to get in over our head.
One other little story…years ago, when I was 18, I and a friend of mine lived with a married couple who were in their late fifties and early sixties at the time. They were devout Christians who had a big home, and as a ministry, allowed young women to live with them while attending college. My friend had lived with them longer than I did, and she told me the story of how, when she’d come home early one evening, she found the two of them chasing each other around the house and laughing.
This is what God desires for us in our marriages. Intentional intoxication. Drinking each other in like a fine wine. So don’t let another night go without getting drunk with the magic and mystery of your mate.