“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6, NKJV).
Today, I am a widow with no steady income. I am too young, yet don’t have any children under twenty-five, so I can’t receive any benefits . I have been self-employed as a freelance writer for three years, a luxury my husband’s income allowed, so I don’t qualify for unemployment. I am in a house I can’t afford with a for sale sign in the yard collecting dust. Twenty-two resumes sent without a response and counting. His meager life insurance policy did pay his final medical bills and has given me a bit of a buffer. I have family I can move in with if necessary. I know I’m not an isolated case. Hardship is rampage in this country right now. I trust God will provide.
I have this Proverb posted on my computer and I pray it each day. I’ve believed in this passage. We’d seen tough times before, especially when we both were laid off within days of each other and couldn’t find work for six months. I watched my husband struggle through six companies that went bankrupt, pick himself up and job hunt again. That meant we also picked up and moved and I job hunted as well. But each time before, I had an earth partner during the hard times. Now I don’t.
But, the One who guided me and my husband before will never die. He will not leave me. I know He has a plan, and if I trust in that He will care for me like He cares for the lilies of the valley and the birds of the air. In the grand scheme of things, there is a happy ever after. It is just in the “now” I feel like Hansel and Gretel in this dark forest of the unknown with scary black limbs called monthly bills grabbing at me and eerie sounds of economic doom echoing in my ears.
Lord, am I allowed to pray for iridescent breadcrumbs along the path? It’s time for me to once again play Follow the Leader. That doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means doing all I can to walk the path of faith and follow directions. Turn here, stop there, take two steps forward. It means getting on my knees before I get up to do anything else each and every day, no matter if I feel I need directions or not. It means, in all my ways and all my days, acknowledging who is leading my life. More than ever, I know it can’t be me. Today I may be a widow with no steady income, but always I am His child.