After 24 years of marriage, I am in the midst of a divorce. It was the last thing I ever expected to happen in my life. Because my husband and I have very strong personalities, we’ve had our challenges. I’ve often looked longingly at other calmer, more “comfortable” marriages, and always believed that God would heal and change our hearts. Many, many prayers have been prayed over this marriage. In spite of this, we finally reached our breaking point.
The hardest part of this has been the feeling of failure, and of disappointing God. I am well aware of the scriptures regarding divorce, and I know how much He hates it. So as I begin a new life apart from my husband, I am torn between feeling absolutely undeserving of God’s blessings, but knowing that I desperately need His help, His love and His guidance.
This morning during my quiet time, I read Psalm 91, and a few verses jumped out at me.
“Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will rescue him, and honor him.” Psalm 91: 14-15
It occurred to me as I read those verses that God’s only requirement for deliverance was that the psalmist loved Him, and knew His name. That was it. Not a successful marriage. Not a flawless Christian life. God only asks that we love Him, and He will be there for us. Period.
As I read those words, I stared at them incredulously. Wow. “Lord God,” I said, “if there is one thing I can say with absolute and complete certainty, it is that I love you with my whole heart and soul, and I do know Your name.”
As I stand before Him, I can’t claim anything else. Even what little righteousness I have within me is like rags before Him. How great, how glorious to know that all He wants from me is my love. Not works, thank God, because my works are in shambles.
He will answer me. He will be with me. He will rescue me. And look…He will honor me–even as I feel like such a failure. And all of this, simply because I love Him. What an amazing God.