If you could look inside my brain (scary place I tell ya) you’d see something similar to a new ticker displaying all my thoughts. They don’t scroll in any particular order and unfortunately, not much clarity either. I try in vain to grab one of these nuggets of information, analyze it, try to figure out what to do with this little jewel and end up making a new folder to store it in only to lose it in the hard drive. Yes, I told you it’s a scary place. It’s called ADHD and I got it bad. It has caused me more difficulty than my news ticker is capable of displaying. My one hope, my one consolation is that when I can force myself to pull away and actually sort out my thoughts, God does wonderous things. My merciful Savior reminds me often of Psalm 46:10.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
All kidding aside, I do struggle with the whole idea of being still much of the time. My thoughts race and if I stay still for any length of time I literally begin to panic. It makes me wonder how I’m able to be still and just “be” with God. My relationship with my Father is such that He will often give me the opportunity to do something that seems impossible to me or to continue on my merry way only to realize quickly that my way isn’t so merry afterall.
Several months ago I was in a period of God showing me something that He wanted me to do that just didn’t make sense to me and I struggled with it for several weeks. He wanted me to sit still. So I sat….now what. He persisted in telling me that He wanted me to sit still. My logic was that I couldn’t possibly accomplish my ever growing list of things to do if I had to be still. Knowing me like He does, He got through to me in such a wonderful way. My children had gone to school, the house was quiet and a gentle rain began to fall. Oh the peace of that sound, especially on a tin roof. So I opened the window above my bed and lay across the bed and just listened. Yes I did try to talk to my Lord a few times but He would gently hush me. There was no sound apart from the rain and my Lord spoke to me. It was nothing ground breaking or monumental but it didn’t have to be. I just opened my heart and let it flow. It wasn’t an emotional time. There was nothing but peace, the peace that only the Peacemaker can give. Now, months later, I am still in this season of stillness. My mind still goes like a news ticker but instead of trying to stop it which only leads to frustration, I know when it’s time for me to unplug and retreat to the stillness with my Lord. I wait with Him there until my “peace-o-stat” is full and then it’s almost like He releases me to continue on my path.
Do yourself a favor and don’t try to take on your news ticker until your “peace-o-stat” is full. He will give you time to be pulled in a million different directions if you simply have your tank full.