The Christian Woman Blog

Nov 11, 2008

Hope floats....

Like most of us, I struggle with hope. Hope in God, hope in the good things to come and hope in others. By definition, hope is:

A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
In Christianity, the theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.

The book of Job is full of hope....Job's hope that he will be healed and his heart will be restored. Job is ever so faithful and he cannot be broken....no matter what is done to his heart, his land, his fortune, his health. He BELIEVES that God is what He says He is, only faltering from that faith for a split second. Job trusts God. He just does.

Do you? Do I?

I have often wondered where my faith and hope truly rest. Do I believe that God is who He says He is? Do I have FAITH that He will get me through any and all situations with the ultimate goal of showing His glory and my heart for Him growing deeper? I don't know. I just don't.

In my recent days I have seen, over and over again, how quick I am to just take the ball I am given and run with it. Starting a business while raising three kids and working full time is not easy. You just learn to do everything yourself for fear that something might not get done. If it doesn't, uh-oh. If it does, whew. That's it. No big fan fare for a job well done, no big "HOORAY! You did it!" Just....done.

With this taking the ball and running mentality comes FEAR. Big time fear. You start playing "what ifs".....What if I don't get it all done? What if my child doesn't take a bath and have a clean pair of jeans to wear to school tomorrow? What if I can't get my orders filled quickly enough or I'm so tired from being up late that I can't do my "paying job" well enough anymore? Or what if I forget to send lunch money to school? What if one can't go to an event because another has something else more important to attend? Unfortunately, I can't be in more than one place at a time (and actually....now that I think about it....I'm glad I can't. I'm tired enough as it is!).

So I've been looking for an answer. An answer to why my hope isn't fully in God. And you guessed it. Yep....God whacked me upside the head and gave me my answer. I love it when He does that. :) My answer is in Jeremiah 29:11-13.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future. Then you
will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen
to you. You will seek me and find me when
you seek me with all your heart."

I love this verse. Probably in my top 10 favs. But...and yes there is a but....I MISSED this part. Verse 13. The part where God says "SEEK ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND YOU WILL FIND ME". That's what I have been missing. My lack of faith has lead to fear, which lead to lack of seeking Him with all my heart, which lead to having only partial hope in God and putting the rest of my hope in my own limited abilities.

DUH. DUH. DUH.

Now what? Now what. Well....I seek Him. With all that I am and all that I have. I open my heart to His direction and in that openness is where I find Him. I stop being so hard on myself, stop wearing myself out and give God the chance to take care of things for me. I let Him have control of the reins and steer me down His path where I can only hope is more peace and less stress. That will not be easy but as my favorite line from my favorite movie of all time "Hope Floats" goes...."Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will...."

HOPE....I'M GIVIN' YOU A CHANCE. SO FLOAT ALREADY! :)

Labels: Hope, Jeremiah 29:11-13, sockrma18

-posted by Sockrma18 # 2:11 PM 2 Comments

Sep 15, 2008

A reminder...

I am never surprised when God sends me that gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) reminder that He is there....working for me, in me and through me. Here is the latest....

I love the story of Noah -- how God rid the earth of all the yuckiness (no, that is not the actual word used in the bible), spared Noah, his family and two of every animal on the earth. I love how at the end God gives Noah a rainbow and a covenant promise....a promise to never again flood the earth. Each time I see a rainbow I smile....knowing that God is there, has a plan and He wants me to know that He hears my prayers. A rainbow gives me hope. A hope that no matter what lies ahead of me or behind me, God is there as He promised He would be. I just need to remain faithful. I may be swimming in deep water during my "flood", feeling like I might not be able to stay afloat much longer, but God knows and will throw me a livesaver just in the knick of time.

Yesterday, as I was driving home I decided to stop along the road and take a few pictures of the soybean fields. For those of you not from the midwest, you may have no clue what soybeans even are....have no fear. Google it. :) Anyway, I'm not sure if this year they are prettier than normal as they turn and are getting ready for harvest or if my eyes see things in a different way these days.

Then there it was....a rainbow....placed right there just for me.

I know it was for me because as I was driving I was asking God to keep me on the right path...to show me where to go, what to do...I was praying that He give me a sign. I hadn't "heard" from Him in a while. I was shocked when that rainbow just fell out of the sky. I really do love it when He does that.

I know that I know that I know....that God knows my every thought and hears my every prayer. He is there....He is real....He is preparing a path for me that I cannot even yet imagine. He sent me the hope of a livesaver yesterday....to remind me that as I tread water and grow weary, He is preparing for my rescue in such a grand way that I will be humbled at what He has done for me, to me and through me...AGAIN. I thank God for His wisdom, His care and His patience with me as I tread water. From the top of my lungs, I praise God for the ability to stay afloat and wait for His livesaver.

Rainbow in the soybeans field!

Labels: God, rainbows, sockrma18

-posted by Sockrma18 # 11:14 AM 3 Comments

Sep 2, 2008

One year ago today....

One year ago today, my then 9 year old daughter showed the world her love for Christ. My church does full submersions and after she accepted Jesus into her heart at Vacation Bible School last summer, she wanted to be baptised. She is very brave!! Our church has over 3,000 members and at the service where she "did it", there was over 500 people in attendance that morning. I was scared for her! And so very proud. She is my middle child and, therefore, the one who is always in the shadow of her sisters. It's never intentional but we all know that is the "role" of the middle child. Not on that day....it was ALL TAYLOR. I wish I had taken a picture of it (I'm a photographer for cryin' out loud) so you could all see it. I'm pretty sure God was smiling as He saw His beloved child show her committment to the world. She is a very special little lady.

Three days later at our Wednesday night service I was also baptised. It was an amazing experience....one I will never forget and an anniversary that deserves remembering every year.

Thinking back on that time, I was still new to the "God thing" and still struggling with myself on a daily basis. God was working soooo hard on me and my heart....showing me that He loved me no matter what and that He does not make mistakes. God made me just the way I am and He believes in me even when I don't believe in myself.

AMEN.

These days my heart has softened and the wall I had built around me is nearly gone. It creeps up once in a while but when it happens I never fail to hear God say to me..."Hang in kiddo. I will not leave you or forsake you. You are my beloved child and NO MATTER WHAT THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS OF YOU, I'm PROUD of you." I love it when He does that.

I pray that each of you, no matter if you are far into your journey with God or just beginning a new adventure getting to know Him, remember one thing. When we are lonely or need a hand, just call His name and He will be there. ALWAYS.

"For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.....Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." ~ Psalm 27:4,14

Labels: baptism, Becki Hansen, God, sockrma18

-posted by Sockrma18 # 9:25 AM 2 Comments

Aug 22, 2008

The REAL me

I have to start this by letting you know that I really DO NOT want to write about my topic today. God has been pulling on my heart about writing what HE wants me to write....He has had to repeat Himself several times. It's about time I listen, I guess.

I had it all worked out in my head...I was going to write about "THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF A SOCCER MOM" today. I can see me standing in a Superman pose with my superhero uniform peaking out from under my work shirt. It was going to be funny and insightful and I was going to tell you about how for dinner last night (in the car no less) I ate a bag of Funyuns and a Diet Mountain Dew going 80 miles an hour down the interstate to get home to pick up the girls so we weren't late. I was going to tell you how I changed out of my work clothes into jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops in the car ("Do as I say, girls, not as I do" was my sermon to my daughters on that lonely gravel road). I was going to tell you how shocked I am when I see that I put over 50,000 miles on my KIA in just one year (that's God's honest truth right there). I was going to tell you how I drove two of my three children to soccer practices and how I made them starve and not eat until way past dinner time then how I helped my middle child practice her vocabulary words while cheering on my oldest in a scrimmage against a local college team all the while telling my youngest to stop throwing grass everywhere. Yes....I am THAT mom. Multitasking to the nth degree

But God has different plans.

On the way to practice last night "At the top of my lungs" by Philips, Craig and Dean was playing. We sang....loudly as we do...and I was happy that God was reminding me to be thankful that I have three beautiful children to chase around, that I have a new(er) car in which to drive them, that I have been SAVED and He has a purpose for me. Fast forward about 4 hours and as we were headed home after all the chaos mentioned above, God AGAIN played that same song on the radio. I see a pattern here....God was telling me something. Then, this morning on the way to work as I pull out of the driveway, that same song AGAIN was playing. I know, you are probably thinking I listen to one of those radio stations that overplays certain songs, but I'm here to tell you that is not the case. God wanted me to listen...to really hear the words. This is what He was wanting me to hear:

"At the top of my lungs I will sing HALLELUJAH. You're the one who made me, the one who gave me this life I live! Forever more, I love you Lord."

So that made me think...."Ok, Becki, get a grip. What else is God wanting you to hear?" (yes...I talk to myself)...

..."can't be silent. I think of the mercy you’ve shown me. My lips began overflowing, how great is your love. Such gratitude for all that you do... ...Let my love be loud, a sweet joyful noise only for you. I lift up my voice. I lift up my voice at the top of my lungs..."

God is telling me to lift up my voice and PRAISE HIM. For all that He alone has brought me back from and through this blog I am able to do just that.

What has God brought me back from you ask? Here's is the part I don't want to write about. My childhood was bad. Could have been worse but it was bad. My parents were in a physically abusive relationship, they divorced when I was 5. I have many memories of that abuse. At age 6 my father moved 3,000 miles away. I was abandoned by him in nearly every sense of the word, but as an adult, I have forgiven him (we do not have a relationship but I forgive him). At around age 8 I was sexually abused by a close family member. I acted out in inappropriate ways through my teenage years....I was filled with rage and entitlement with a complete lack of self esteem. I tried drugs and alcohol in an effort to sooth my rage, anxiety and fear and I know now that by the grace of God I never became addicted to either. I had repressed the abuse memories until around age 27 or 28 when it all came flooding back to me. My marriage ended because I was such a complete pile of pooh and unable to fix myself or forgive anyone around me. I finally met a man who brought me up close and personal with Jesus two years ago and God has restored my feeble and broken soul. I have learned so much about how and why things happen. My favorite verse -- Romans 8:28 -- reminds me every day that God will work all things for good for those who believe in Him and are called according to His purpose. I believe that God has been pushing me to share my STORY....which is no longer my shame....in an effort to heal me and help others. I will follow His lead and do as He has asked me to do. I will write what He wants me to write. I will be the REAL me...the one who has gone through unspeakable things and lived to tell about them. I will be ok because God is with me. I will not only survive, I will thrive.

Now....back to "THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF A SOCCER MOM". Only 74 more days until soccer season is over....but who's counting?!?

** NOTE ** As I was trying to publish this, I started to have serious computer problems, it wouldn't fully publish, etc. The devil was messing with me! HA! :0

Labels: forgive, God, praise, sockrma18

-posted by Sockrma18 # 6:52 AM 3 Comments

Aug 20, 2008

By way of introduction....

Good morning! I am so excited to be here sharing my thoughts with all of you. God has placed a special desire on my heart to share what He teaches me and the best way to do that, you ask? BLOG! My name is Becki Hansen. I am a mother, a friend, a photographer and most importantly I know that my Redeemer lives. I've been through many hardships in my life and until 2 years ago when I finally answered the knock on the door to my heart and let Jesus in, I didn't believe that God really existed or even knew who I was. Now I know the TRUTH and wake up each morning thanking God for another day and another chance. I'm looking so forward to sharing with you the things that God teaches me each day...I'm not always a good student at the time so sometimes He has to repeat himself. Come on...I know some of you can relate to that! :)

So....my thought for today is THANKFUL. I want to thank God for all that He has done, is doing and will do for me, through me and to me. I pray that each of you give thanks to God today...just for being Him.

For those of you not hip to the cool language of text messaging...JC is my BFF stands for JESUS CHRIST IS MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER! Yeah...I'm a cool mom. :)

Labels: sockrma18

-posted by Sockrma18 # 6:31 AM 1 Comments