May

18

Pure Joy?

By Julie B Cosgrove | 2 Comments


“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance,”  James 1:2-3

I am in a trial. A big one. One of the biggest of my life. It doesn’t seem very joyful.  In fact it hurts right down to my core. The situation is not going to go away because I made a vow to honor, love and cherish until death parts us. I made that vow to God as well as him. Because he has chosen to break that vow does not give me the right to do so.  It just does not make it easy to keep the vow alive in my heart. 

But God is alive in my heart. He is my comfort and strength. What am I called to do? I am called to not judge ( judgment is a final act). I am called to turn the other cheek and forgive seventy times seven. That does not mean I am called to forget or to write it off as if it does not matter.  I am called to give it to God. To lay it at the Cross, every day, every hour that the hurt and anger and feelings of betrayal creep back into my heart.  That is my protective boundary- the shadow of the Cross. There is the joy – because there is my hope.

When people hurt us, offend us, betray us and no longer love us, we can turn to Jesus who knows what heartache and suffering is and chose to love anyway. And He chose to forgive. He still does.. Until I turn it over to Jesus I cannot forgive and thus God will not forgive my sins.  “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  Until I forgive, I keep the focus on me and wallow in my hurt. There is the joy- because there is my healing.

 It is not easy, far from it. I struggle with it each day. But my heart is growing stronger, and my faith is alive. My relationship with the One who will always love me is closer. And when this trial is over, how ever it turns out, He will still be there and I will still be in His protective hands. There is the joy – because there is my peace.

Whatever trial you are facing, look to God to guide you into forgiveness. To forgive means to turn it over to God to handle. It does not erase the offense, it covers it with prayer. Only then can our Lord begin the healing, no matter if the offender repents or not. It’s no longer in your hands- it is between them and God.  The test? Who do you trust above all else? He wants to pass you with flying colors, He’ll even give you the answers. When you know that in the depths of your heart, you can persevere. Then there will be your joy – because there will be victory.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”  James 1:12

Feb

12

The Mystery

By Jan Ross | Comments Off


“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)

Today is our Wedding Anniversary! On February 12, 1972 we were united in marriage having entered into a covenant with one another and with God making a formal and public commitment to love, honor, and cherish each other in the good times and in the bad. And believe me, having raised six children has given us the opportunity to experience both the good times and bad! We praise God for His faithfulness through it all.

Since that memorable day our lives have been woven together time and time again to the extent that although we are uniquely individual, we are also uniquely one. It’s a mystery how this happens. Paul said in Ephesians 5:32 that the mystery is akin to the relationship between Christ and the church. During the course of our marriage, we have taken on attributes and characteristics that belong to each other. We think alike, we act alike, we respond alike, and more so as time passes.

I can remember as a young girl, there was a family two houses up the street from us. They were unusual just like our family—they had adopted children. Our mothers would occasionally get together for coffee while we played together. The families stayed close all through my childhood until I married and moved away. The mothers would often share their stories of people who didn’t know that we were all adopted would comment on how much we looked like our mothers. I can remember them laughing to the point of tears at times; they would just get so tickled.

When I was about eight years old my mother took me to the dentist for a regular check-up. He had been the family dentist for many years and knew the family well . . . at least he thought he did. After my check-up, he turned to my mother and told her that he felt so sorry for me—my teeth were just like hers. He went on to explain how often he could tell immediately which parent passed down the genetic code for teeth, their shape, size, color, etc. Being the wise woman she was, she just let him talk. On the way back home, she laughed and laughed. The dentist never even knew that I was adopted. I was my mother’s daughter and he thought he could prove it by the characteristics he witnessed.

This is the same mystery with the church. The more we spend time with the Lord, the more closely we will resemble Him, being woven together as one, intertwined, and inseparable.

Take some time today and examine your life. Do you bear a family resemblance to your “Betrothed”? Is your life more like Christ than like your old nature? Can He be seen in every aspect of your life? Are people convinced by your behavior that you belong to Him?

Father, I want to be more like You; I long to have people see You in me as my flesh fades in the glory of Your presence that surrounds me and dwells within me. Lord, just as I take on some of the attributes and character of those with whom I am close, my desire is to be like You and even more so with each new passing day. Father, let Your character, Your integrity, Your love, Your compassion, Your mercy . . . let Your life be seen in me so that all will know that I am part of Your family as they see You in me. In Jesus’ name, amen!

“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:5-6)

© Jan Ross
All Rights Reserved

Jan

2

A New Life in a New Year

By Gwenn McKone | 4 Comments


For those of you who have followed my rather erratic posts about marriage, you know that my husband and I have been struggling through a really difficult time. During this time, I have absolutely believed that God would swoop down and fix it–fix him, fix me.

While I can’t speak for my husband, because he doesn’t talk about his inner spiritual life, I can say that God did some pretty serious house cleaning in my heart. And that was good, and very needed. It’s been a painful two-year journey.

Nonetheless, after nearly 23 years of marriage, my husband and I have decided to separate. Let me say that I never, ever thought I would be in this position. I’m sure thousands of other women have felt the same. I have a new compassion for divorced women who are single parents. What a scary place to be, to have that sense of a man’s protection taken away, and to know that the primary responsibility of parenting rests completely on your shoulders.

Of course, so many thoughts are running through my mind. How are our girls going to handle this? Will they have to deal with the social stigma? How will this affect them long term? What’s life going to look like as a single parent? How do I get back into the full-time work force? Will my husband and I get back together–and do I even want to get back together? Will I lose his family? And–I’m embarrassed to say this, but–how will I face the neighbors?

Wow. Divorced women, I salute you. You are strong, brave and very courageous.

One of the things I’m learning is that marriages cannot be fixed if both people are not completely submitted to God. So while I was waiting for God to bring about a miracle, it finally became apparent that God would work in other ways–not the ways that I expected. When the realization hit me that my husband was unwavering in his desire to separate, I thought I’d failed God. The words “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16) kept ringing in my ears. This was not God speaking to me–it was just my knowledge of His scripture–and the devil using it against me.

But slowly, I have heard God speaking to me, and His love has come through as a balm to my soul. Instead of “I hate divorce,” I’ve heard words like “I will take care of you” penetrating into my heart. God has given me some wonderful scripture to cling to, most notably Isaiah 41:10:

Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I don’t know what the New Year will bring. I know only that my husband is leaving at the end of January. But I know that God is with me and the girls. And we will be fine. It’ll be a grand adventure…packed with many of God’s wonderful surprises.

Life doesn’t always turn out the way we’d planned. Or even hoped. Yes, I’m scared, but I’m gaining strength and confidence. And even beginning to look forward to it. Life without conflict could be a good thing.

I’d appreciate your prayers. And even your words of wisdom.

Blessings,

Gwenn

Oct

23

Stepping up to the Plate

By Gwenn McKone | 6 Comments


I know when I first became a blogger on this site, I said that I would talk about the challenges of a marriage that had hit the wall. My purpose was to encourage other women who may be going through the same challenges, and to give them hope.
What I have found, however, is that some of the things we are experiencing are so deeply personal, that it’s hard to share them without opening up a door into our relationship that really is not for anyone to see beyond except us.
But I will try to share something that happened a few nights ago, without filling in all the blanks, because God really did some amazing stuff.
Two months ago, due to certain events, I decided that I was done with the marriage. Finished. After spending a week with my younger daughter at our cabin in the woods (my older daughter was at a Christian camp), and being sick to my stomach the entire time as I prayed about what to do, I came back to inform my husband that I was moving out.
That conversation went on for four hours. My husband and I had never talked like that at any time during our 22 years of marriage. It wasn’t pretty–it was actually very painful. Still, when we were through, I wasn’t so sure I was moving out. This is not to say that he asked me to stay. Both of us were sitting on the fence, wildly uncomfortable in our present position–even feeling trapped–yet afraid of following through with divorce. We knew the carnage that would follow.
Over the next month or so, I prayed and prayed and prayed. Eventually God’s voice came through to me. He told me that I had been “talking the talk” all my life. Now I needed to “walk the walk.” It’s easy to say that with God, all things are possible. But did I really believe it? Did I believe that He is who He says He is? That He can do what He says He can do? Even with MY marriage?
With some reluctance, I climbed down off the fence. I had this sense that God expected me to be the one to do it–to believe Him and take a stand for the marriage, because I am the “Jesus freak” of the house. My husband calls me a zealot. (It could be worse, you know?) My oldest daughter says that I turn everything (conversations, yada yada) into a “God thing.” (Don’t be fooled–my oldest daughter is showing signs of Jesus freakness, too, but she doesn’t realize it. When viewing the big ghost hanging from our neighbors’ tree, she said something like, “Goodness, why invite Satan in?”) God led me to step up to the plate and take a stand.
I decided that I was not leaving. Not ever. I was going to believe God; believe that He could resurrect a dead marriage. Period. When I did that, two things happened. First, I knew that the devil was furious. I mean furious. I won’t tell you about some of the weird stuff that happened around our house. Secondly, I learned that when God calls you to the plate, He doesn’t leave you standing there without the right equipment. He began to teach me how to love my husband in a way that I never have.
He has given me a servant heart for my husband that was never there before. He has taken every ounce of fight out of me. He has given me a new humility that my husband doesn’t quite know what to do with. For the first time in my life, I am now learning what REAL love is–unconditional, expecting nothing in return.
But let me also make it clear that this new behavior of mine is not “mine.” It is the Holy Spirit working through me. I am really not all that wonderful. I know that it is the Holy Spirit, because it has been two months since I climbed off the fence, and if I was still trying to do this in my own power, I would have had 18 knee-jerk reactions by now, several tirades before God, and three or four in-your-face confrontations with my husband. And incidentally, that was life before I stepped up to the plate–before God honored my faith, and equipped me.
Now, about the other night. My husband told me he wanted to talk to me. We sat behind closed doors and he told me about how he was feeling. Without divulging what he said, suffice it to say that he is still on the fence and very uncomfortable.
But you know what? A miracle actually occurred, because the words he said to me should have knocked me flat. They weren’t mean-spirited, but they were honest. Maybe some of the most honest things he has ever said to me. And that is a very good thing–that he can feel safe enough to say such things. But they were the last thing I wanted to hear. Strangely though, as I listened to him, I felt no pain. God held my heart in His warm hands, and I was really OK. I was actually astounded that I was OK.
I told him that I was going to stay in the marriage, and I was going to love him, no matter what. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information, or me.
Afterward, I went out for a walk like I often do. It was 9:30 p.m., but I have my faithful Jessie dog (who sleeps beside me as I write), and my God, and both enable me to walk comfortably in the dark in our neighborhood. As soon as I got past our driveway, this amazing, unearthly joy took hold of me. I can’t describe it. All I could do was smile. But I knew first of all, that God had been there in the midst of that conversation, and that He had used me, and that He had held me and kept my heart safe. And something told me that the joy was a precursor to what will come with time. All I could do throughout that 45-minute walk was praise God.

The next day, the Lord brought my dearest friends to “fill my cup” (unbeknownst to them). I called one friend, and two others just happened to call–which almost never happens. I was on the phone for a total of almost three hours that day (an all-time record because I am not a phone talker).
The day after that, I was at Bible study and chatting with a friend of mine who has been praying for our marriage, and who has been an encouragement. As she listened to the latest events, she told me, “Three years ago, my husband was you, and I was your husband. The same thing happened almost exactly. I gave my husband every reason to leave me. In fact, I tried to make him mad enough to leave me. But he refused to leave, and insisted on loving me. Then, one day, I woke up, and I wasn’t angry anymore. I couldn’t even summon up anger toward him. I went and apologized to him. And now, look at us.”
Wow. When God calls us to the plate, He gives us the right equipment. And a wonderful team that supports us, and prays alongside of us.
We just have to be brave enough to get off the fence, and step up to the plate. Even if it looks like the odds are against us. Because God is for us. And that is all we need.

Blessings,

Gwenn

Sep

11

Choosing to Believe Him

By Gwenn McKone | 8 Comments


My daughter Christian came home from school yesterday and told me that her friend’s parents recently got divorced. We know the family fairly well because our daughter and their daughter were on the same Little League softball team for a few years. Her friend’s dad and my husband became pretty good friends.

Even when the two girls ended up on different teams, we still ran into them at various athletic events. Over time, we didn’t see them as much anymore, and the two husbands lost touch. So when Christian informed me that they divorced this year, I was stunned. We’d never seen any problems between the two of them. They had been married about 15 years.

Now their kids are scuttling between two homes. Even the dog is going back and forth. The kids don’t have one “main” home where they can hang their hats. And they’re trying to cope.

This kind of news hit way too close to home. That was very nearly our story only a few months ago. We were within a hair’s breadth of walking down the same road. I could almost hear Satan rubbing his hands together in excitement.

But then I chose to do something that has made all the difference: believe. I chose to believe that God is who He said He is, and that God can do what He said He can do. I asked Him not just to save our marriage, or to improve our marriage. I asked Him to make it new, because God makes all things new. (Rev. 21:5)

Paul also said that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think. (Eph. 3:20) That means that however wonderful I think our marriage could be, God could make it far better.

So, do I believe Him or not? I’m choosing to believe.

Believing is not easy. In fact, it’s crazy hard, especially when you can’t imagine your marriage ever being something beautiful and romantic and nurturing. And just because I’ve chosen to believe in God’s promises doesn’t mean He immediately waves a wand and exchanges our tattered marriage for a sparkling new one just in time for the ball.

It’s quite the opposite. Believing in God’s promises is usually a long and arduous process, where weeks and months can go by without any outward signs of progress. There have been times when I’ve shouted out to God, “Throw me a bone here, would you? Just a little something to encourage me?”

And then, two of my friends, within a month’s time, said to me, “Wow, Gwenn, I can’t believe how much you have changed from a year ago. Back then, it was all your husband’s fault. Now, you are yielding so much more to God.”

I didn’t know that God’s work within me was so obvious–I didn’t even realize it was happening. But I have noticed subtle changes in my heart. I now have the God-given patience to endure–this has been the biggest change. It is certainly not from me–patience was never something anyone would have credited me with.

I am also more willing to show love to my husband, even when I am not shown it in return.

If God is working so effectively and so diligently within me, I know He is working within my husband as well, even if the outward signs are not yet there.

I just have to wait. Be patient. Pray. And believe in His exceeding abundance.

Gwenn

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