O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 131 ESV)
One of the shortest psalms, and one of the most impactful. I wish I could say I am there. On good days, I may be close. This week not so much. My twelve year old cat fell out of my two story apartment window, when the screen gave way, onto the drive below and slithered into the drainage culvert. That was three days and four visits by the firemen ago. They lifted the manhole cover, put in a live trap and I spent every two hours returning to call for him. It is too deep down to see the trap. He has not responded since Monday afternoon. It is like losing my husband all over again.
Then I have heard from my fellow apartment dwellers of a cat matching his description wandering the complex- which is over 500 units. This morning in the wee hours I heard a cat scuttle. Could it be? The roller coaster continues.
My faith tells me God is in control and has a plan. My torn heart asks why has He taken something else from me? Buster was my companion through this first year and a half of being alone. Yes, I know. I am not alone. God is right there. But at night, having that tangible, soft purring ball of fur next to me was what calmed my soul. The little guy and I had been through a lot together over the past 12 years.
Perhaps this is part of the weaning process. Spiritually, I want to be where David was in this psalm, don’t you? I want to be totally assured, not thrust on the emotional roller coaster when life happens. I want a calm, quieted soul, confident my God has filled me with His grace no matter the circumstance.
Paul scolded the Corinthians that they were not ready for solid food, but still needed simple milk when it came to their faith. Just when I thought I was mature, tragedy hits and my “weanedness” is tested to the max again. And, I am reminded that, like Israel, I am to hope in the Lord from this time forward.
