For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. James 3:16-17
I come from a family of attorneys. In my clan, you never spurted out a spontaneous thought. You formulated your defense first. It always drove my husband nuts. That is the world’s wisdom. It focuses on “me being right and you being wrong”. On winning the argument, not reconciling the relationship.
But, James tells us what true wisdom entails. It is all in the attitude. It is pure in motive. It focuses on coming together, not competing to win. Then our conversations are peaceable, not argumentative. True wisdom, says James, looks at the other person’s viewpoint through a reflection of love. It is open to reason and is gentle, not brash and unyielding. The list goes on.
True Godly wisdom is not wishy-washy. It stands firm on God’s Word, but it lets the Word stand on its own. It doesn’t embellish it with human-ness such as pride or defensiveness. It is not aggressive. It keeps the lines of communication open, and allows the listener to see the other person with all their warts and all their beauty. Only then, can walls be torn down so Truth can seep in.
How do you face conflict? The best way is to first turn to God before you turn away or turn to fight. The best armor you can have is the one mentioned in Ephesians – the armor provided by the Holy Spirit. Only God can heal the wounds of personalities clashing. The Bible tells us Jesus came to be our intercessor with God. He can also be our intercessor with each other, if we let Him.