Jan
28
Because I loved you
By Gwenn McKone
I spent an hour in our car this afternoon having a very loud and emotional discussion (fight) with my 15-year-old daughter just sitting in our driveway. Such discussions are all too common between us these days. She was telling me that she’s tired of getting in trouble every single day, and that she’s really a good kid. I was telling her that I’m tired of her talking to me disrespectfully.
When I step back and look at her as a whole, she really is a good kid. She gets great grades, is very involved in our church high school program, and has a good head on her shoulders. She has good moral fiber, is very honest, and hates when her friends get involved with yucky guys.
So what’s my beef, then? Why aren’t I on my knees thanking God for this good kid? I often do. But just as often, I ask for wisdom and strength in dealing with her. She’s very intense and very in-your-face. She’s got attitude with a capital “A”. She often talks at me and not to me–loudly. If she’s passionate about something, or angry about something, and I disagree, I’m suddenly in the firing line. And of course, this usually happens in the car, when there’s no possibility of escape. For her, it’s an advantage–there I am, completely at her disposal. And, no matter how I react, it’s usually wrong in her eyes.
Last night, I was driving her home from her softball practice. She was fit to be tied about some of the things that are happening with her team. She began to vent, and I settled in, mentally preparing myself. The two of us stopped for a quick dinner, because she was going straight to Tuesday night church. She continued to vent. We got back in the car, and she continued to vent. Nearly an hour later, I finally said, “OK, I’ve given you almost an hour to vent. Enough. Let’s talk about something else.” She retorted, “Fine, then, I just won’t talk to you at all from now on.” (Only seconds before, I had been congratulating myself on being patient enough to listen to her for that long.)
I now understand why God commanded us to “honor our father and mother.” He was trying to give parents a leg up. He knew that it was the toughest job on earth. He even threw in an incentive–the only incentive in all of the ten commandments–”that your days may be long on this earth.” He knows that rearing God-fearing kids is thankless, frustrating and exhausting. It’s the only occupation on earth where you can try your best, and somehow, end up at your worst. I do that a lot. I’ll walk away from a discussion (fight) with my daughter and think, “How the heck did she manage to pull that ugly, black, stinky, slimy stuff out of me? Why can’t I just have some SELF CONTROL!!”
As parents, we all need grace upon grace. And forgiveness. Heaps of forgiveness, especially from ourselves, to ourselves. And we need to remember that this, too, shall pass. All too quickly.
I was talking to my best friend a few months ago about this same topic. We’ve been best friends since the 10th grade–the exact same age that my daughter is now. I said, “I know I’ve always had a really strong personality, but I was never this challenging.”
“Yeah, actually, you were,” she said.
“No way,” I countered. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, you were really cocky.”
I was quiet a few moments considering such a thought. “Why did you put up with me, then?”
“Because I loved you,” she answered quietly.
Those four words knocked me into the back seat. Because I loved you.
“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)
In this verse, the word “covers” is “kalupto” in Greek, and it means “to wrap around, as bark, skin, shell or plaster; to cover up.” My friend’s love wrapped around my sins, and covered them up. I love the fact that love doesn’t just cover, it “wraps around.” Like arms…of a mother around her daughter.
Jesus’ love for us does the same, it wraps around us. Surely I can do the same for my daughter, who is…a lot like me.
Comments
3 Responses to “Because I loved you”
Search & Win
Earn Amazon Giftcards!
-
Christian Books
Subscribe
Thanks for this post! Im a mother of two girls and sometimes I wonder how I will survive their teen years with how they are now! I love what you said about Love wrapping around our sin…even at the young age my children are I must remember that my love for them will cover many of their sins and help me deal with it!
beautiful lesson and example for all mothers-and daughters. Teenagers fight most with the parent they relate to the most – for girls it is often their mom. Love does cover a lot of sins, and it also brings them out into the open to be dealth with. You turned out wonderfully – so will she. God is there to cover you both. I hope you share the last part with her.
You are awesome.
One thing that comes to mind…and I hope makes you feel a little better…we often fight and show our true hearts and lay it all out on the line with the people we love the most and trust the most in the world. She, in my mind, is “safe” with you and able to “let it all out” with you. Disrespect is never ok, I’m with you there. But next time she vents…and vents…and vents? It’s because you are her mom…AND her friend.
Makes me smile a little because I imagine my relationship with God is much the same…I vent and vent and vent to Him because He is my “safe” place. I go to Him because He is my Father…AND my friend.
Hang in! Teenagers eventually GROW UP (I’m reminding myself of that as much as I am reminding you!)!
LOVE YA!
Becki