Jan
2
A New Life in a New Year
By Gwenn McKone
For those of you who have followed my rather erratic posts about marriage, you know that my husband and I have been struggling through a really difficult time. During this time, I have absolutely believed that God would swoop down and fix it–fix him, fix me.
While I can’t speak for my husband, because he doesn’t talk about his inner spiritual life, I can say that God did some pretty serious house cleaning in my heart. And that was good, and very needed. It’s been a painful two-year journey.
Nonetheless, after nearly 23 years of marriage, my husband and I have decided to separate. Let me say that I never, ever thought I would be in this position. I’m sure thousands of other women have felt the same. I have a new compassion for divorced women who are single parents. What a scary place to be, to have that sense of a man’s protection taken away, and to know that the primary responsibility of parenting rests completely on your shoulders.
Of course, so many thoughts are running through my mind. How are our girls going to handle this? Will they have to deal with the social stigma? How will this affect them long term? What’s life going to look like as a single parent? How do I get back into the full-time work force? Will my husband and I get back together–and do I even want to get back together? Will I lose his family? And–I’m embarrassed to say this, but–how will I face the neighbors?
Wow. Divorced women, I salute you. You are strong, brave and very courageous.
One of the things I’m learning is that marriages cannot be fixed if both people are not completely submitted to God. So while I was waiting for God to bring about a miracle, it finally became apparent that God would work in other ways–not the ways that I expected. When the realization hit me that my husband was unwavering in his desire to separate, I thought I’d failed God. The words “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16) kept ringing in my ears. This was not God speaking to me–it was just my knowledge of His scripture–and the devil using it against me.
But slowly, I have heard God speaking to me, and His love has come through as a balm to my soul. Instead of “I hate divorce,” I’ve heard words like “I will take care of you” penetrating into my heart. God has given me some wonderful scripture to cling to, most notably Isaiah 41:10:
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I don’t know what the New Year will bring. I know only that my husband is leaving at the end of January. But I know that God is with me and the girls. And we will be fine. It’ll be a grand adventure…packed with many of God’s wonderful surprises.
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we’d planned. Or even hoped. Yes, I’m scared, but I’m gaining strength and confidence. And even beginning to look forward to it. Life without conflict could be a good thing.
I’d appreciate your prayers. And even your words of wisdom.
Blessings,
Gwenn
Comments
4 Responses to “A New Life in a New Year”
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Wow. You’re in for quite an experience, whatever it may be! I haven’t walked in your exact shoes, but I know from experience that there are some things that we all tend to go through when life gets turned upside-down.
God may bring restoration, or He may not. Whatever He does, it will be on His timetable, which is rarely the same as ours. There will be days when you can’t feel Him, and days when He feels as close as your next breath. Emotions will strap themselves tightly onto a roller coaster, and you’ll wonder if God will ever put your feet on terra firma again.
But His is good, and He is faithful, and He never leaves His children. He will be with you. I know you know that, but I just felt I should say it again. We can never hear it too often.
God bless you.
Thanks, Betsy. I appreciate your comments. I have already been on an emotional roller coaster for quite some time, so I’m actually hoping that some of that will calm down a bit. We’ll see. The one thing I have been amazed about is that my friends have rallied around me (for months, actually), and they have really helped to sustain me–particularly since I have no parents and no siblings left in this world.
Gwenn
Oh Gwenn….Apparently my computer connection is slow because when I sent you that email a little bit ago this was not here. :/
My heart breaks for you. I have been in your shoes and you will face times that you never thought you’d have to face. And, my sweet friend, you will quickly learn what you are made of. You have one very powerful and important thing with you right now that I did not have when I went through it.
GOD.
He will stick by you just as Betsy said. You will be ok. You will move on. You will learn just how tough you are (and how tough your girls are). You will see a light at the end of the tunnel….it may be your marriage restored or it may be something different, but I know in my heart you WILL be ok, you WILL be happy again and you WILL have God with you every step of the way.
Hold tight to what you believe in. Get counseling for YOU ASAP….never hurts to say what’s in your heart and have it validated by a professional. Not because you are crazy…you certainly ARE NOT…but the healing only takes place when you talk about it, think about it and process it. All of your feelings are normal and to hear it said to you out loud will speak to your heart.
And most of all…you will find you in this process. The real you. The Gwenn that is deep down. And I also know in my heart you will LOVE her….because I know she is amazing and strong and has so much to offer.
And if the neighbors don’t like what is happening in YOUR house….just remember: the only approval you need is God’s.
Hang in. Cry. Laugh. And thank God for His provision.
Lova ya sista….you and your family are at the TOP of my prayer list!
Becki,
I already sent you an e-mail, but thanks. I appreciate your wisdom more than you know.
Gwenn